I love waking up with a baby in my arms.

I know I am different than a lot of parents. But I co-sleep. Not the entire night if I have to, I do like some time on my own. My first three children I didn’t sleep with as much. I think I thought it was expected of them to sleep in their own bed. I would take them to mine if I couldn’t get them to sleep in theirs or it was early morning. But the second three have slept in my bed more than their own. I look at it like this, will I get more sleep with them in my bed or constantly waking up in theirs?  I also have anxiety over them not waking up. This wasn’t something I worried about as much with the first three but I do now.  Sometimes I obsess over it. I never really realized why but about a month ago I think I did. My little brother’s son passed away when he was 3 1/2, in his sleep.  This is my biggest fear, losing one of my babies. My heart breaks for my brother and sister and law and I can’t imagine how hard it was and still is for them. I could be wrong, but I think this is why I am terrified one of my babies will stop breathing at night.

But that’s not the only reason I sleep with them. I love to have their sweet snuggly little body in my arms. I love waking up and seeing that beautiful face smiling at me or touching my face. Now my 3 year old was a little difficult. He is a fondler. And he breastfed till the week before the baby was born. He was always, I say a bit abusive when he was nursing.  And he wanted to rub them and play with them, obviously that gets annoying. So at times, I would wake up to that. He still comes to my bed sometimes and tries to do this. But he is still little so I try to help him understand the fondling isn’t something he can do. But sleeping with me is ok as long as he doesn’t squash his brother.

I hear it from people though. They need to sleep in their own bed. But why? I don’t like sleeping alone. Why should I make my sweet little baby always sleep alone? I am trying to get him to nap in bed more, because I just can’t hold him all day long, but nights, I think I sleep more letting him snuggle with me.  And really, at this point, the more sleep I get the happier I am. And let’s face it, he won’t sleep with me forever, and the day I no longer have a baby in my bed will be a sad one.

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2 thoughts on “I love waking up with a baby in my arms.

  1. We love co-sleeping too. Love having his little arm and leg resting on me, having him invade my space and pushing his little nose against me for milk. I miss it on the rare occasion he is happy in his cot! For a while I battled a guilty feeling that it was wrong, that he should be in a cot, but why…we both have a far better sleep in one bed, and like you say, it won’t be forever, sadly!!!

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