Oh what a night

Last night my 7 month rolled out of my bed. We do co-sleep but he starts in his bed. He had been in his bed until about 2:30 and I took him to mine to feed him. He has been extra squirmy this week so I had just put a rail on the side. My bed is quite high, one of the things I hate about it. I fed him and must have fallen asleep. I remember waking up and looking at him and seeing he was in a position he shouldn’t be so I was going to move him. I must have fallen asleep. The next thing I know I hear a thud and him crying. I jumped and grabbed him and held him. He only cried for a minute. Daddy was talking to him and he was smiling. I have severe anxiety about these kinds of things. I sat up with him. He kept looking at my husband and trying to get his attention but finally hubby rolled over so Mason would go back to sleep. I held him and he fell asleep after about an hour. I think I held him another 45 minutes just looking at him. I put him between us and tried to sleep but I kept watching him. Hubby said he would look over and see me watching him. He said he thought every once in awhile I’d look at him like how could you go to sleep you big jerk. LOL But I wasn’t. I just knew I had to make sure he was ok. Mason seems fine today. He is happy and doing normal things, not a mark on him. But I still worry. My anxiety takes over my brain sometimes. Its a hereditary thing and no matter how many times I say he is fine, there is a part of the back of my mind that says but what if he isn’t.
So I am trying to just take deep breaths today and tell myself he is fine and not blame myself for this. I know it happens but I feel completely responsible and horrible.


2 thoughts on “Oh what a night

  1. We went on to a family event and were staying at a crummy hotel. I put our little lady on the bed and absentmindedly and completely exhausted from all the driving walked away from her to grab a diaper. The next thing I know there’s a thud and her crying. She only cried for about a minute and then daddy had her smiling and laughing. I on the other hand cried for the rest of the night. I’m not the kind of mommy to walk away from my baby like that. I know the dangers of it. I just kept checking on her the rest of the night. I kept thinking of all the unseen things that could have happened and us not know until it was too late. My husband now jokes “She WAS going to be a doctor. Now she has to be a vet.” I’ve never been more disappointed with myself! I’m glad everything is ok!

    • Thank you for sharing! Its been helpful to me that so many of my online friends have told me similar experiences and it really does make you feel better. I know this happens a lot but it still makes you feel terrible and scared all at once. Sometimes I wish I could be like my hubby, he is so easily able to think everything is fine, he is fine but that’s just not me. Mason is fine though but I am putting pillows on the floor from now on just to be sure it doesn’t happen again. I think the thud out of my sleep was the scariest sound ever!

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