I should be almost 11 weeks pregnant, well technically I am. But it stopped developing many weeks ago. I have a standing order at the lab to go for bloodwork. I go every Thursday morning. Usually when I leave I drive home and sit and cry in the van before I go inside.
My hcg finally started dropping last week. By about 10,000 then again another 10,000 this week. So it looks like I’ve got over a week left still of this to go.
I haven’t told many people. My mom, a couple close friends. I know what people think. I know what they say. Believe it or not, they’ve said it to my face during past losses. Maybe you shouldn’t have anymore. Appreciate the children you have. Maybe it’s your age.
Think every thought you have but one word of advice, never tell a grieving woman these words. It destroys them, it destroys friendships. It hurts more than you can you ever imagine.
Yes I’m extremely lucky. I have 7 amazing, healthy children. I don’t take that for granted. I don’t not appreciate them. There is nothing wrong with my being sad about a loss. This is my 4th miscarriage. With as many children as I’ve had that’s probably not an abnormal amount. If you’ve never been through it, I pray you never have to.
I don’t care about your opinion. I don’t care if you don’t think I should have anymore.
And if you’re having a baby and I’m distant, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be. It’s not that I’m not happy for you. It’s just my heart is breaking.
A Mom of Many 